10.  Hibernation is a hard habit to break

9.  Doing taxes

8.  Episodic existential angst

7.  Neglected the yard so long, can’t figure out where to start

6.  Battling creative ennui (if that’s even the word)

5.  Physical therapy (sort of a lie, since I only go every other week)

4.  Back in psychotherapy and throwing down sandbags for emotional flooding

3.  Painting avoidance and its partner, automatic guilt

2.  Craving for sleep

1.  Moderately antisocial mood

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Sometimes I’ve just gotta brood.  In the world of peaks and troughs, my last week or so was a bit of a trough.  Been trying to just ride it out without judgment . . . resistance is futile . . . or it’s at least counterproductive and sucks up too much energy . . .  

My mom’s birthday was on Wednesday.  Though she died close to ten years ago, when the anniversary dates creep up, I’m still caught offguard . . . it’s as if the memory of her death gradually resurfaces from a molecular level to my conscious awareness, and as that awareness dawns I’m swept up briefly by a wave of emotions, and reminded again of how much I miss her. 

So.  Maybe I need to stay disappeared a little bit longer; I have little else to say. 

Ah.  But a small spot of joy:  first spring flowers (after a lone daffodil)–miniature irises I forgot I planted near the front gate.  I’ll take my spots wherever I find them.


About creat1ve11

psychotherapist by trade, writer and artist by temperament, over 50 and not fighting it, love the idea of snorting milk through my nose, but have never actually done it
This entry was posted in art, creativity, death, existential angst, life, mortality, Reflecting, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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